A friend’s comments recently reminded me of one my favorite articles, SEEING BEYOND THE WEDDING. Even though the article targets engaged couples and newly weds, much of what is said applies to every married couple, especially these paragraphs:
We live in an age of “soul-mate marriages”—where love is frequently portrayed as a matching with one’s “other half” and marriage is seen as an easy pathway to personal happiness. In a recent national survey of single young adults, 94 percent agreed with the statement “When you marry, you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost,” and 88 percent agreed that “there is a special person, a soul mate, waiting for you somewhere out there.”
Soul-mate marriage may work for Hollywood films, but most married couples in the real world know that, while marriage is definitely worthwhile, it is not like relationships portrayed in popular culture. They will admit that maintaining their marriage requires work, patience, personal growth, compromise, commitment, and sacrifice.
President Spencer W. Kimball warned young people of the soul-mate culture of our day: “‘Soul-mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
Does believing in soul-mate marriage really do any harm? The evidence indicates that it does and that the trouble lies in unrealistic expectations. When marriage is expected to be a trouble-free relationship, many couples are left grasping for answers when they have their first major disagreement or when a spouse’s lack of responsiveness leaves one partner feeling hurt and alone.
The romantic notions of soul-mate marriage offer couples very little direction on ways to improve, restore, and maintain a marriage in the real world. Unrealistic expectations can lead disillusioned partners to believe that their problems result from a “faulty match” and, therefore, that the solution is to “unmatch” and “rematch” with their “real” soul mate.
The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches that sustained love in marriage is not primarily about matching or finding; rather, it is about becoming and choosing. This perspective fosters the realistic expectation that marital companionship must be nurtured, repaired, and chosen daily as spouses bind themselves together with their love, forgiveness, and sacrifice.
I especially like the last sentence that states that we must choose our spouses daily.
Here’s the full article: http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=1348.
Very helpful perspective!
[…] Soul-Mates and Daily Choices (smellingsmoke.wordpress.com) […]
I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in
writing this site. I am hoping to view the same high-grade content by
you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to
get my very own blog now 😉
I enjoy the information you present here and can’t wait to take a look
when I get home. Anyways, awesome blog!
This information is worth everyone’s attention.
When can I find out more?
Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful article. Many thanks for providing these details.
certainly like your web site but you need to test
the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding
it very troublesome to tell the reality however I’ll certainly come again again.
Oops. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I will fix it.
Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a difficult
time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then
most blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to
ask!
I am just using the free wordpress platform with the Wu Wei theme. I don’t do much to change the design.
Awesome blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost
on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress
or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m completely overwhelmed
.. Any ideas? Many thanks!
The best writing advice I can give is to subscribe to Writer’s Digest Magazine. I think you can get an online subscription for $10 a year. I’ve been happy using a free platform for my blog.
Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to produce a really good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a
whole lot and never seem to get anything done.
Quality posts is the key to attract the viewers to pay a quick visit the
website, that’s what this web site is providing.
Hello, i think that i saw you visited my web site thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use
a few of your ideas!!